Leap of Faith
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Leap of Faith
| Take a leap of faith……………..Taking a leap of faith
FAITH
Align with the now, be fully in the present
Whatever you are doing is your purpose for now.
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Crazy Quilt
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I make dreams for myself. Sometimes I realize I can’t keep them sewn together and I feel like a part of me is fraying away.
I set up my workshop so I could teach mosaics someday. My son set up my website so I could teach someday. My husband brought a Welcome flag home for the day I open my studio to teach…it sits in the corner collecting cat hairs and dust.
Now, there is an opportunity to give this flag away. I don’t give workshops or teach, but giving the flag away is like giving a dream away. My husband points that out to me and says, “It is a good thing to do.”
I spent the first three years of my recovery holding every thread of my being together as if in survival mode. Now, in my fifth year after the accident, I am finally learning that it is time to let go of some of the threads. I am stronger. I won’t unravel. And when I give some threads away, holes will come and I will find new material to fill those voids and my life will become a crazy quilt: a disorderly, hodgepodge mixture of interesting found objects, colorful and comfortable once more. Sweet Dreams.
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Confident Spirit 2
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I have worked on standing tall
Even though I feel small and weak
I have worked on greeting others
Even though I want to hide
I have walked out the door to socialize
Even though I want to sit on the couch
As a child I was shy and reserved
As an adult I learned to be outgoing
While recovering I became introverted
Then I learned: Fake it until you make it
Confident Spirit: I reach out and try to grab it.
Confident Spirit: When I feel it I try to hold onto it. It is a building block to reinventing.
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Attraction
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Dragonflies do not eat or find refuge in fragrant, colorful roses. So what is the attraction? Why do they seem to be drawn to these beautiful blooms?
Earlier in my life I was introduced to the idea of the "laws of attraction." This is the belief of "like attracts like." In other words: thinking positive will bring positive physical results and negative thinking will bring negative physical results. If you say: "I need to feel better" you will leave yourself in a state of needing to feel better. Therefore, focusing on the goal, "I feel good" will be heard by your inner self and start attracting the sensation of feeling good.
To me, this thought process can only help in my recovery and reinvention of my new life. Attracting positive, physical results through clear goals, hard work, asking for help, and staying focused on what I am attracted to and what blessings are manifesting in my life put me in a place where I recognize these happenings that are taking place.
As for the dragonfly, oddly the magnetism is not the fragrant, delicate scent or bodacious, colorful, blooms that highlight the iridescent wings of this ancient creature. Instead, they are attracted to eating the insects that are drawn to the perfumed roses. |
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Blooms Around The Barn
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"Gee, your barn looks great!" "Yes" I reply.
The grounds around the barn were picked up and raked. The clapboard repaired and power washed. Flowers and grass seed planted and grew. The fence was fixed and repainted, but no need to put back the gate, for the mare is gone and the gelding’s sold. The life that once lived here is gone.
I look through the window of my life to where the chickens pecked, the dogs ran, and the cats hunted. Where the crack of dawn brought rich aromas, knickers of hello and the clunky crackle of grain in the old #10 tin can. Watching hay being pulled apart with its dust and seed forming clouds in the streaming sunlight through the loft’s window.
There is silence now. The smells have floated away. There’s no one looking for me or their breakfast. An empty shell waiting for new life. Possibly a studio, or a gathering place for friends.
"Gee, my barn really does look great!" |
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Second Chance
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My daughter had an indoor rescued cat named Burt who one day while sitting on the deck suddenly reached out with one paw, snagged a sparrow and put it in his mouth. He looked over at his wide-eyed owner as if to say, "now what?"
· Is it our instinct that helps us move forward and reinvent our life?
· Is it the cultural family environment that helps us move forward?
· What force propels an injured person to get up and fly again?
I come from a long line of survivors and doers. They have had to make things happen in order to live out their dreams or merely survive the financial depression or family dysfunction. I was taught very early on to push through pain and ride on. I was taught to do, do, do. Is this what has helped me to get off of the couch and push myself even though anxiety, fear, dizziness, and pain scream inside my head to just sit and play games on the computer or watch t.v.?
I believe many family seeds were sown through centuries of struggle and sacrifice that allow me to fight and do the work to reinvent and save myself.
I have choice.
I have paid a price and have been rewarded with blessings.
My daughter reached in her cat’s mouth and unlocked his jaw. The sparrow fell stunned to the floor, got himself up and flew away.
For myself, I have had inspiration and have been able to ask for help along this journey of recovery and reinvention, even sometimes from total strangers.
So, I ask myself, are we the cat who found himself in an unknown place – not knowing what to do next or are we the sparrow whom unexpectedly got a second chance at life?
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Exhibit 6
This is Exhibit 6 of Reinventing Oneself After A Brain Injury, A Personal Experience. After receiving a closed head injury in April of 2006, it took 3 years before I was well enough to attend outpatient rehab here at New England Rehab Hospital. It was during this time, in 2009, these exhibits began when Kathy Kroll asked me if I was interested in sharing my art and writings. I have gone from a person who didn't "do" art to a passionate artist. The reinvention was supported and encouraged by friends and family driving me to grow by leaps and bounds. It has not been an easy journey but no passage is, that is worthwhile. I continue to write, paint and mosaic because I am amazed that the expedition continues on. Just as I think I have it all figured out, I am confounded by the next happenings, good and difficult. So, the one constant I am given is the ability and desire to make art and fill the experience out with a writing about the interesting journey of changing my life, my passions, my friends, and my way of navigating this world. I have gone through the recovery and rehab process, then after rehab through repurposing, followed by Plan B and now Exhibit 6: Leap of Faith. I feel blessed to have inspiration all around me and hope that I can translate that gift to you.
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