Reinventing Oneself

Tears in a Bottle

Tears in a Bottle During the mid to late 1800’s in Victorian England, mourners would collect their tears in bottles with special holed stoppers. When the tears in the bottle finished evaporating, it was the end of mourning and the bottle would be placed on a shelf as a remembrance of eternal devotion. I have come to a place where tears are no longer being added to my tear bottle and I hope the time of mourning is over. However, I still weep periodically but not in the overwhelmingly painful way I used to cry. Now, I accept more than I deny and regret. But, what I miss most of all is my wonderful horse friend Poppy who I had to sell. I also miss my days in the saddle laughing out loud in the woods with friends and the feelings of being challenged and accomplished while high on adrenaline. I have moved on from my teaching years and the wonderful feeling of being a part of all of my students and their family’s lives and I have even, sadly, given up the playing of music. So I ask myself, “Are my days of mourning over? Have the tears in my bottle evaporated?” I answer myself saying, “for the most part yes, I am done mourning” and then I cry. I could not finish the Tears in a Bottle mosaic I started three years after my accident. At least a couple of times every year I uncovered it, looked for matching glass to fill in the holes, walked around in circles, and then put it away. I would say, “For now, I am not done creating this piece and maybe that is the way it should remain, with an opening for the viewer to see themselves in the mirror.”

Exhibit 7

"Thou tellest my wanderings, put thou my tears in Thy bottle are they not in Thy Book?" Psalm 56:8 (KJV). These words reminded us, if you so believe, that God keeps a record of all human pain and suffering. He understands each tear that is shed.

Six years after my accidental journey began, I came to the place of writing these words. It wasn’t until then that I could finish the mosaic Tears In A Bottle. The viewer can still see themselves through the cathedral glass, holes and mirror behind the colored glass because isn’t this journey one that we all walk?

Reinvention of self after one’s identity is compromised is a long process. It is defined by the person’s make up, loss, and numerous other factors. Its personal agenda is important to pay attention to, as one’s timeline for change is dependent on that person’s journey.

Recovery After a Brain Injury | Brain Injury Rehab | Recalculating Life After Rehab | Repurposing | Plan B | Leap of Faith | Tears in a Bottle | Spring